Cid Highwind Writes a Christmas Letter
by Atomic Works
Summary: Warning Cid Highwind has a filthy mouth even around the holidays.


**Cid Highwind Writes a Christmas Letter**

**Disclaimer: All Final Fantasy VII characters belong to Square Enix and I'm not sure who owns Christmas but it isn't me.**

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_Dear: Spiky, Boobs, and those two kids who ain't yours_

_First just let me say Merry Fucking Christmas! How the fuck are you? _

_I myself am doing fine ever since Spiky stab Sephiroth a million fucking times and we cured all those kids of that stigma shit with that magical fucking church water. I pour some of that shit on my tomato plants at home and the mother fuckers are fifteen feet tall now! The tomatoes are the size of god damn basketballs. I'm thinking of selling them and calling them Cid's Huge Ass Fucking Tomatoes. The next time I drop by I'll bring y'all some and maybe some bell peppers too. Then Boobs can fry them up for us. Nothing better than fried green tomatoes and bell peppers. Especially when they are the size of your god damn head._

_Shera just walked in and says hi. She also told me to not write so many cuss words. What the fucks her deal? _

_But besides the nagging things have been fucking great between the two of us. Her parents ain't visiting this year since her dad had a heart attack. Don't worry the old fucker still alive and kicking but can't travel and nothing makes my Christmas any better than not dealing with the in-laws that and cold beer._

_I heard y'all had to drag Vincent out of his hiding hole again. Tell that mother fucker that if he pulls that doom and gloom shit again I'll spear the shit out of him. I'm not letting any friend of mine just give up like that. It ain't fair to put us thru that kind of shit again._

_On a lighter note Red came to Rocket Town last week. Turns out he's been busy. The mother fucker a god damn father now, he's got two fucking kids of his own. I didn't know the son of a bitch had it in him. I just hope it wasn't some house cat he's been fucking._

_Also as you know Barret has been staying with us since finding that oil field nearby but he ain't here now. Don't tell his kid but he's planning on surprising her Christmas morning. Which is good cuz that huge son of a bitch is about to eat me out of house and home. I never seen anyone eat five god damn sandwiches in one setting and don't let him near any cake if you plan on having any of it. I'm still pissed about my missing fruit cake that I didn't get to try._

_And by the way I know Reeve is trying to get a hold of me and you can tell him I said for him to go fuck himself. I ain't going on anymore missions for that shit head. The last time I had to fly those god damn Turks somewhere. The big quite one was alright but that redhead fucker is more annoying than the brat. Half way thru the trip I wanted to throw his ass overboard. Turk or not you wipe your god damn feet off when coming on abroad my air ship._

_But anyways Shera is yelling at me to get up off my ass and hang up some Christmas lights. Why the hell we have to have lights up for beats the shit out of me. But the wife wants them so she'll get them._

_So Merry Fucking Christmas and Happy Fucking New Year and if you see the brat slap her on the ass once for me, she'll know what's it's for._

_B__est wishes from your friend Cid Highwind._

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Inside 7th Heaven Cloud and Tifa stared at the letter in disbelief. Everyone knew that Cid had the most filthy mouth on the entire planet, but a person would at least assume that he would keep it clean in a Christmas letter.

"Well it's nice to know Barret will be here for Christmas Day. Marlene is going to be thrilled about that." Tifa said finally breaking the silence after reading the letter.

"I complete forgot it said anything about that. I've been too busy counting how many times he used the "F" word," Cloud replied.

"How many were there?"

"Hang on I'm still counting...fifteen."

"Wow that may be some kind of record."

"I'm throwing this letter away."

"Cloud! You can't just throw a Christmas letter away. It something special that's meant to be saved and cherished. Writing someone a Christmas letter is a meaningful way to show how much you care by telling them about your life and keep them up to date on important matters. It's a way to stay in touch with family and love ones during the holidays. Throwing away a Christmas letter would be disrespectful to the person who took time out of their day to write it. How would you feel if someone just threw away something you spent your time on and poured your heart into?"

"Do you want one of the kids finding this?"

"...Fine but if Cid or Shera ask we'll just say it got lost in the mail."

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**AN. Reviews are always appreciated.**


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